The term ‘mentor’ has always given me funny vibes.

It was one of those words I heard a lot and recognized it was something mildly important that pretty much everyone cared about, but no one seemed to think it should be explained to me. You know… things like

What is a mentor, really.

Why should I have one?

How do I get one?

Who should be a mentor?

What do I do with one?

Eventually my mind filled in the ambiguity with a complex maze of nothing valuable. I rationalized that mentorship is something like a one-sided, transactional relationship where someone older and far advanced in their career gives professional advice to a younger person and the younger person is supposed to do exactly what they say because they’re successful. (Did you read that all in one breath? My chest is tight and my heart rate elevated just thinking about how horrible that felt to write let alone read.)

What I didn’t understand is that by the time the vocabulary and concept of ‘mentorship’ was becoming a common term in my world, I had already developed relationships with individuals who were encouraging, supporting, and challenging me – mentors. I simply never thought to refer to them as such. I also never fathomed that I could be teaching them something along the way as well.

There are a lot of get programs out there that match mentors and mentees, and have guidance and guardrails to the relationships, and honestly I never knew how to access them. It always felt out of reach for me. I’ve now found that the best kind of mentors for me are more like wise, experienced friends… and when I realized I already had some of those kinds of people in my life, I started asking more questions and having bigger conversations.

I’ve learned that mentorship is just a fancy word for demonstrated servant leadership. Every single person who has, and still invests their time, heart, and energy in me on a personal mentorship level has nothing tangible to gain. They’re not paid for it, it’s not going on a resume, and I don’t work for them. Instead, they keep paying it forward. And I’m so glad. I’m overwhelmed in the best way with the quantity of quality people I’ve now amassed in my corner of the world.

Perhaps mentor is a bad word for you too. You still deserve to have quality, intentional relationships. All you have to do is ask. I never imagined I’d actually be able to become the woman I am today. I dreamt about her, but I didn’t believe she was real. Now, thanks to so many kind, servant leaders who saw things in me I didn’t (and sometimes still don’t)I know that each and every new version of the woman I aspire to be is absolutely attainable!

For those of you like me who have been (or are) on the receiving end of wisdom sharing, where might you be able to give a small piece of yourself to pay it forward? Someone somewhere admires you, sees you as their definition of success, and wants what you’ve got! Go give it.