Burn bridges as needed.

OK – not really. But “don’t burn a bridge” is vague, blanket advice we really need to think twice before sharing.

In general the sentiment of not burning a bridge is the encouragement to keep a positive relationship and professional communication. While it’s well intended advice, and I’d suggest it’s making some of our best and compassionate people shy away from advocating for themselves or doing what they believe is right with their value alignment and instead, encouraging them to self-sacrifice in an inauthentic way.

When we offer this blanket advice without further context or a deeper dialogue, we might inadvertently be advising someone to stay in a toxic relationship, sacrifice their boundaries, stifle their growth, avoid necessary confrontation, and breed inauthenticity.

Carrying the analogy, maybe you need a construction season, to tear up a lane on the bridge and reduce the traffic flow. Sometimes bridges need to be downsized, or like the old two-lane bridge over my grand parent’s creek run off, it holds less and less weight over time as it gets used less and less without the necessity of upkeep and repair.

“Don’t burn a bridge” situations open up space to learn and practice things like communication coaching, boundary setting and enforcement, conflict resolution, self-reflection, emotional intelligence, value advocacy, and even forgiveness.

Let’s navigate our bridges accordingly, treating each one with delicate and unique care… and yes that means sometimes, every once in a while, one of them goes out of commission. The value is not necessarily in preventing that from happening, but learning to do so gracefully when needed.