The P-word.
It’s dirty.
It’s hurtful.
It squashes any hopes of having a productive or valuable conversation… with me.
It makes me feel grossly misunderstood.
It invites frustration.
I’ve been privileged to have many rich conversations lately centered around growth mindsets, continued self development, and personal standards. Many of you have experienced my growing care for vocabulary. And not just in what a word means by definition, but by the connotations that come with it.
Perfection / Perfectionism.
noun
the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.
the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.
a perfect embodiment or example of something.
a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.
the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.
the act or fact of perfecting.
A growth mindset is like having a personal cheerleader in your head. It’s all about embracing challenges, learning from mistakes, and believing that your abilities can grow as you continue to invest in yourself. On the flip side, perfectionism is the nagging voice inside your head that demands flawlessness. Perfectionism thrives on fear.
One is about progress and resilience, and the other is a self-destructing joy-killer.
Life standards and expectations are a huge component in this conversation about perfectionism versus growth mindset. Here’s what I mean…
Perfectionism is usually rigid, all-or-nothing thinking, an intense fear of failure, and a constant need for flawless outcomes. Having high standards leaves room for vague, ambiguous yet ambitious goals by allowing room for flexibility, learning from mistakes, and understanding that the journey towards self-described excellence is continuous.
Having elevated standards doesn’t automatically equate to an unrelenting pursuit of perfection.
Sure, if someone’s standards are so rigid that any deviation feels like a significant setback in life, then, yes, it might appear as perfectionism and hopefully they (or you) are working on that personal growth. If they’re engaging in self-criticism without acknowledging the strides they’ve made, that’s another aspect that might suggest to you as someone who cares about them (or YOU if it’s you) that there might be a better, more joyful way to keep moving forward in life and striving for better.
Before you slap on the “perfectionist” label on anyone else or ever yourself, maybe enter into some personal reflection.
Is it genuinely an obsessive pursuit of flawlessness, or could it be a sincere dedication to personal growth? Before categorizing someone as a perfectionist, look deeper than the surface. Perhaps it’s not about chasing perfection but rather embracing the journey, learning from setbacks, and maintaining flexibility.
Aiming for excellence, having high standards, AND staying grounded with a few close confidants isn’t automatically protectionism, and we should stop insinuating to others that it is when we observe it from the outside. If you’re wrestling with some of those inner-critic or fear mongering dialogues, the good news is YOU get to keep working on, honing, and navigating that.
You deserve to feel safe in your own mind regardless of your standards. Do you?