I had a friend recently tell me, “You’re a mystery to a lot of people.”

[Disclaimer – I feel like there’s a lot of “I”, “me” and “my” in this one. I assure you it’s not a journey entry. Instead, I’m talking about LIFE, and how we articulate it, or don’t. It just didn’t feel right to say we or you, because frankly your story and the way you communicate it, or don’t, is an intimate decision you have to make with yourself. Out of respect for that, I don’t want to insert myself into that process.]

She followed up in the conversation shortly after with something like, “I feel like I really know you, but I don’t think I know your whole story.” I’m certainly not a walking suspense novel and yet, I can see how someone who’s in-tune to how individuals carry (and talk about) themselves might feel that about me.

I’m sure the concept of “my story” or “your story” isn’t new to you. The phrasing of it is starting to feel cliche to me, but you get the idea. Someone else out there might really need to hear your story in inspiration and empowerment – I even used that in last week’s note about mentorship! It’s easy to use goodwill for others as a surface level motivation for haphazard and premature sharing. Guilty. None of that really matters though unless you’ve figured it out for yourself.

No one needs your own story as much as you need to.

It’s easy to overshare with others and feel the need to put your thoughts, feelings, and experiences out to the world hastily. I’ve done that (and probably still do) and I see a lot of well intended leaders, individuals either inserting themselves when it’s irrelevant, self-sabotaging, or both. In the vein of being transparent (I hate liars), and using your experiences for the greater good (I have a bad habit of prioritizing everyone over myself), you don’t have to put unresolved experiences on display.

Absolutely no one needs to hear, learn, grow, understand any of that more than you do, FOR. YOURSELF.

I don’t like that who we are as people seems to be presented or referred to as “story”, singular. Similar to our previous conversations about the evolution of ourselves and all the different versions of ourselves that exist out there, we have the opportunity to go through a whole host of experiences to shape, mold and influence our lives.

Much the same as how we might observe, soak in, and listen when in a room of those who are noteworthy in a desired area of expertise, I feel somewhat like that about my life’s experiences. I’m keenly aware I have some rich encounters, unique experiences, and continue to make decisions that are generally unconventional. It’s not lost on me the value these micro stories have. And still, introspection defeats urgency.

I’m not suggesting you to be a closed book, a mystery, or a riddle. Rather, imploring reflection, and one of my favorite words… intentionality. Vulnerability doesn’t equate to oversharing and transparency isn’t synonymous with self sabotage.