Self Awareness: The Gateway to Influencing Hearts and Motivating People
Supervisory promotion based on tenure. Managerial responsibilities as a result of polished technical skills. Demands of director-level, executive-level compensation and respect while turnover skyrockets and satisfaction plummets.
Gallup published a study last August sharing some unsettling numbers.
60% of our people are emotionally detached from their work. 19% are MISERABLE. Just 1 in 3 individuals in the workplace report feeling engaged in their work. 1 in 3.
This one hurts… unfair treatment at work is the NUMBER ONE reported cause for team member dissatisfaction. This is directly related to things like excessive workloads, poor communication from managers, lack of manager support, and unreasonable turnaround times.
But why are we surprised? Why are we looking around the room as if we don’t know how to address the situation and solve the problems? These are the effects of years and years of leadership neglect and responsibility deflect in our workplaces.
The solution is simple really. We need to stop focusing ONLY on managing, and start LEADING.
Managing and leading are different, but they are complementary and both are necessary for effective leadership. Managers need to be good leaders, inspiring and motivating their team to achieve goals beyond what is expected of them. Similarly, leaders need to be good managers, effectively managing resources and processes to achieve the overall vision. A successful and respected leader must be able to manage and lead.
Look, simply leadership isn’t about you. But it is through you. Leading through self awareness. You have to know yourself so well, that…get this… you take yourself OUT of the equation. Effective leadership is about knowing yourself, your bias, and your insecurities so well, you reduce their negative impact. And, it’s never been more important that your lens is crystal clear, unbiased, and expansive. And if the earlier statistics weren’t enough to jumpstart your commitment to leadership development… Gallup found that the manager or team leader alone accounts for 70% of the impact on team engagement.
As you reflect on the life you’ve lived to be in your seat today, to be in a seat with the opportunity to institute change, we’ve all had a few managers.
Maybe as you climbed the ladder of success, worked a few part-time jobs in high school or college, or found yourself seeking a lateral change, you never quite got along with a superior. You know what I’m talking about…it’ll present something different for everyone, but maybe for you it looks like nothing you ever did was quite right. You can’t put your finger on it, but for some reason you always get the shit assignments. Maybe communicating with your boss adds an instant layer of anxiety/frustration/anger. Or, everything just seems way more complicated than it needs to be. I’m speaking in generalizations here, but you get the point… you were always the problem, the inconvenience, the difficult one.
Did you feel seen?
Did you feel heard?
Appreciated?
Supported?
Encouraged?
Challenged (in a healthy way)?
Probably not most of the time, and it’s not your fault!
Gosh, can you imagine if that leader, who probably walked, talked, dressed, played a little differently than you did a bit more listening? Stopped talking about themselves? Asked a few more open-ended questions and made space to receive your responses? Wasn’t too busy for you?
Or maybe you’ve worked with leaders like this since then.
No one conversation is ever the same. Responses are tailored to the conversation at hand rather than a pre-disposed agenda, each team member has unique goals, coaching, working styles. How’d they’d get like that? How’d they get so good at serving other people?! Their lens is crystal clear, unbiased, and expansive. They practice removing themselves, their bias, and their insecurities from the conversation.
We’re talking about emotional self-awareness, defined as being aware of the conscious and unconscious biases we have and as a result of being aware, we are able to grow, change, and evolve and decrease the negative impact of our biases. Biases, or prejudice for or against something, person, or group, sneak up in ways we are not always in tune to. The way we were raised as kids, the ideals we learned, the privileges we lived with, the comforts we seek, the fears we hold, and the insecurities we carry influences the way we make decisions, problem-solve, communicate, choose relationships, and view the world.
None of this is inherently bad. In fact, it’s diverse and valuable. It’s the lack of awareness of how these attributes affect perspectives and decisions and the inability to self-correct and improve from individuals in power positions that cause pain, resentment. And, ultimately greatly contributing to the workplace crisis we face today with unengaged and dissatisfied workers.
Increasing emotional self-awareness empowers leaders to better understand their own emotions and how those emotions impact their leadership decisions and style. Advanced emotional self-awareness can lead to more effective decisions, stronger relationships with co-workers and teams, and overall performance improvement across entire departments!
You might be thinking, “Okay – we get it – our workers are detached and leaders need to get better. Tell me how to do it already!”.
For years, businesses have spent time and money focusing on management skills, and left the human-centric work to the Human Resources Department… except we really didn’t embrace being humans anyway. I probably don’t need to ask you to think about reflecting on the stoic nature of some of your colleagues (likely the older ones), and the self-advocating, balance-desiring perspectives of others (likely younger generations). Our cultural expectations for our work environments and experiences are changing, and so is the way we need to be leading our people.
Here are five (5) starters for an improved leadership style.
There’s no one path to enhancing your leadership skills and developing a stronger emotional self-awareness, so I strongly suggest working with a personal coach, mentor, and counselor for the right, best approach to improve your own style.
- Self-Reflection
Ask yourself some of those really hard questions. Things like, how do I come across to others in the room? What are some things I hear often from the people I trust and care about? Did I practice or put intention behind the energy I brought to the conversation? The tone of voice I used? The body language I demonstrated? - Seek FeedbackDon’t live in your own head. Self-reflecting is important, and self-sabotage is destructive. Start with people you trust – relationships that have been built to withstand some of the more difficult things you’ve gone through in life. Let them know what you’re working on, why you’re paying closer attention now, and what you hope to achieve by doing so.
- Self-Assessment Tools/EducationStart seeking some outside ideas and influence. Increasing your own awareness and engaging trusted friends and advisors is just a starting place. Expand your ideas and vocabulary by engaging in personal growth tools and assessments. There are many great options to get started on your own. Things like DiSC, Myers Briggs, Working Geniuses, and Strengths Finder are a few well known tools you can access with a simple web search. Pending your commitment level, personal readiness, and budget, you might consider hiring a life coach, therapist, or engaging in personal development workshops as well.
- PRACTICE – DOKnowledge doesn’t become wisdom without experience. Experience cannot exist without action. Gathering information is just one piece of the puzzle. You have to put your knowledge into practice to test theories, gain deeper understandings, and ultimately create change. A lot of people fall short on their personal journeys here. They get stuck, they cling to the safety of their proven circles where people who love them enable the same repeated patterns that undermine the growth and development of their loved one. Even if in a limited capacity… JUST DO!
- Be Open & VulnerableYou’re going to screw up. This is new, remember? You’re working on doing things in a new and different way. You’re not going to get it right every time, but you will learn. And a lot of times, being really honest about learning and trying, and knowing when it doesn’t come out right, or doesn’t land the way you’re hoping it would a lot of times will open doors for you. It’s those moments when you did the best with what you knew and still fumbled that grace gives you the opportunity to learn. Perhaps apologize and acknowledge you’re trying to do/be better. You never know… you might end up developing a new, solid, purposeful relationship.
I don’t believe that anyone will ever be perfect and righteous in their leadership. In fact, I’d argue that the best leaders mess up… a lot. I’m working on these things ALL. THE. TIME. And I feel like I fail… all. the. time. Every exchange, every interaction, each experience is one we can file away for future use. To learn and grow from. To extend grace to ourselves and vulnerability to those we’re leading. The moment you think you’re always right, that it’s someone else’s fault (or problem), or that “they just don’t get it”, you stopped leading, and you stunted not just your own growth, but all those who look up to you, report you, think they want to be like you.